Portfolio – Attorney Tip for Fathers – Child Custody

Fathers have a lot of choices to make dealing with a divorce or separation.  There are two difficult areas:  what happens to the child(ren), and what happens to the property.  If you wind up in family court or divorce court, the judge decides what is in the best interests of the child(ren), not you.  Ditto the property.

The question comes up:  what is the best living arrangement for the child(ren)?  Many parents feel strongly that shared co-parenting is best.

What is the difference between shared co-parenting and joint custody?  How about sole custody?  As you may know by now, sole custody means one parent, typically the mother, gets the lion’s share of time with the child(ren).  Joint custody usually involves one parent having physical right of residence and, frequently one parent, again often the mother, having control over important decisions.  Fairly often, joint custody means that you will pay child support.  True shared co-parenting is exactly what it sounds like:  a father gets a chance to be more than a visitor to his child(ren). He has a full partnership with the mother in making decisions on such matters as day care, medical and dental care, schooling and so on.

How does a father engage in shared co-parenting?  A mother once described to me what her husband and she did to help their children adjust.  They were able to agree that the children stayed in the marital residence, and the parents also had their own homes.  Father and mother alternated being present in the marital home for quite a while.  Father thus continued to be a full participant in his children’s lives.

When the parents in this scenario decided their children were ready, they had the kids come to their separate homes.  This also made it more possible for the parents to have other romantic relationships.

Granted, this level of co-operation may not be acceptable at present in many cases.  However, if you don’t ask, you don’t get.  Mediation before engaging in hostilities in court can be a very big help in working out shared co-parenting.  If at all possible, staying in the same school district can also be a very big plus for the child(ren).

Information is power.  Knowing your options in this sticky situation of child custody can really assist your fathering and help your child(ren) experience less harm.

As always, good hunting after justice!